For years I labelled myself as shy… until I realised this label was never mine

I spontaneously decided to go to a breath and somatics class this morning and it was another one of those moments where I realised how much I’ve changed.

It’s funny, I remember when I had my first Rapid Transformational Therapy session years ago, before I went on to train in it, we were discussing my childhood and I mentioned in passing that I’d always been really shy.

And my RTT therapist replied and said children aren’t born shy.

And this is something that has always stuck with me.

Because yes, working as a midwife I know that babies most definitely have their own temperament and personality. And it’s incredible really just how early you can see glimpses of personalities coming through.

But shyness is not something you were born with. It’s something you learned.

You weren’t born feeling nervous, uncomfortable and timid around other people.

You weren’t born not wanting attention or to not be looked at.

You weren’t born being worried about what people think of you.

You weren’t born doubting yourself.

You weren’t born afraid of being seen or heard.

Shyness is a result of conditioning and life experiences. Perhaps early experiences of being criticised or judged. Perhaps childhood experiences of feeling unsafe or unseen. Perhaps you grew up receiving subtle (or maybe not so subtle), messages from society, caregivers or teachers about being “too much” or “too quiet”. Maybe you were exposed to conditioning that made you second-guess, question and doubt yourself.

And honestly, being shy really felt like a shackle around my life. There was so much that I wouldn’t do, or couldn’t do, because my shyness kept my life so small. I avoided opportunities, struggled to speak up, ruminated over every interaction, stayed well within the boundaries of my comfort zone and constantly worried about what people thought of me.

And so when I was in this class today, that the old me would have felt incredibly shy in and incredibly self-conscious, it served as another reminder of how much I’ve changed and how much my life has changed.

So this is a little reminder for you that if you too have been labeled shy, by yourself or others, this isn’t an ingrained part of your personality and it is possible to break out of this label.

Shyness isn’t who you are. It is something you learned. And this means that you can unlearn it. And with the right tools it is possible to feel comfortable in your own skin, stop worrying what others think of you, speak up without fear and expand your world instead of shrinking from it.

So if you’re tired of your shyness keeping your life small, I’d love to hear from you and let’s work out how Rapid Transformational Therapy could help you.