Infertility: Navigating the Emotional Rollercoaster
Why can’t I do the one thing a woman is ‘supposed’ to do?
My body is broken.
Maybe this is happening because I won’t be a good mum.
I’m such a failure.
This is never going to work, why am I putting myself through this?
I’m never going to be a mum.
Can you relate?
These are some of the common sentiments and thought patterns shared by women who are struggling with infertility. So if any of these resonate with you, firstly I’m thinking of you… you’re not alone.
And secondly, remember that thoughts are not truths.
When you are caught in the emotional upheaval of infertility, it’s easy to mistake your thoughts for absolute truths. But the reality is, thoughts are simply that—thoughts. They are stories our minds create, often shaped by fear, uncertainty, and frustration.
It’s completely natural to have negative thoughts when faced with such a deeply personal challenge. You’re allowed to feel hurt, confused, and even angry. The key is to recognise that these thoughts do not define you or your future. Your mind is powerful, but so are you. You have the ability to step back, question, and reshape these thoughts.
The Power of Curiosity
If you find it hard to manage the thoughts swirling in your mind, I encourage you to approach them with curiosity. Instead of letting these thoughts take over, take a step back and notice what is coming up for you.
Here’s a gentle process that you may find helpful:
Acknowledge your thoughts. Simply observe them without judgment. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. You don’t need to berate yourself for not being positive all the time.
Question your thoughts. Ask yourself, “Is this really true?” Often, we assume the worst without considering other possibilities.
Reflect on how your thoughts make you feel. How does thinking this way affect your emotions? Does it make you feel sad, anxious, or hopeless?
Decide how you want to feel. What emotions would you prefer to experience? Perhaps you want to feel hopeful, calm, or open to possibilities.
Reframe your thoughts. Shift your perspective to create the feelings you desire. Choose a thought that supports your emotional well-being, rather than one that drags you down.
A Simple Example of Reframing
Let’s walk through an example together. Imagine you’ve been thinking, “This is never going to work.”
Here’s how you might reframe that thought:
Acknowledge the thought. Start by saying to yourself, “I notice I’m thinking, ‘This is never going to work.’”
Question the thought. Do I know with absolute certainty that this isn’t going to work? The answer is no. None of us can predict the future.
Notice how the thought makes you feel. This thought likely makes you feel sad, disheartened, and even hopeless.
Decide how you’d like to feel. Perhaps you’d prefer to feel optimistic, realistic, or at least open to the possibility that things could work out.
Reframe the thought. You might say to yourself, “Just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it never will.” Or “There is every chance it will work.” Notice how this shift in thought begins to change your emotional state. It doesn’t mean you are erasing your fears, but you are allowing space for a new perspective.
There is no right or wrong way to do this. It’s all about experimenting and finding what resonates with you.
The Emotional Toll of Infertility
Infertility doesn’t just affect the body—it deeply impacts the mind and spirit as well. The rollercoaster of emotions—hope, disappointment, fear, guilt—can be exhausting. Many women feel like they are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders, trying to navigate medical appointments, treatments, and the constant pressure to “just relax” or “stay positive.”
It’s important to acknowledge the emotional toll this journey takes. You are not weak for feeling overwhelmed. In fact, recognizing the difficulty of this experience is a sign of strength. It takes courage to admit that something is hard and to seek support.
Shifting the Narrative
If you’re feeling stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts, it’s time to rewrite the story. Infertility does not define you, nor does it determine your worth. You are more than this struggle. The path to motherhood may not be as linear as you imagined, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.
Consider what it would look like to approach this journey with a mindset of possibility rather than limitation. What would change if, instead of focusing on what’s not working, you began to open yourself up to what could work?
Guided Support on Your Journey
I know that reframing your thoughts can be easier said than done, especially when emotions are running high. That’s why I’ve created a free guided meditation called ‘Journey to Motherhood.’ This meditation is designed to support you in letting go of fear and embracing a mindset of trust and possibility. It offers a calming space for you to reconnect with your body, tune into your intuition, and hold space for hope.
If this resonates with you, simply enter your email below, and the guided meditation will be sent to your inbox. Allow it to be a tool you can return to whenever you feel overwhelmed or lost in your thoughts.
And remember….
No matter where you are on your journey, remember this: you are enough. Your worth is not determined by your ability to conceive, and infertility does not define who you are. You are a whole, beautiful person deserving of love, compassion, and grace—especially from yourself.
So the next time those negative thoughts creep in, pause, breathe, and remember that they are just thoughts. You have the power to choose a different story. And if you need help along the way, I’m here for you.
You are not alone.